I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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