I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
