Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
