my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
