I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
