had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
