How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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