why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
