And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
