The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
