Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
