Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
