What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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