I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
