quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
