hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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