You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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