I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
