sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
