So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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