Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
