she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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