so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
