I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
