meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i already hear my dad disowning me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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