Pappa wants mamma naked
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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