just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
