just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
