Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
