You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
