escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
