i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
