I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
