i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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