how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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