New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
