When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
