I think I won the penis lottery.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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