There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
