this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
