please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How does one acquire holy water?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
