so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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