I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
