he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
