Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
