3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
