I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
