I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
