i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
