dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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