at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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