Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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