I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
