I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
