someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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